Children understand more than we think. Even if they don’t understand everything yet: They perceive the mood and feelings around them.
At the moment, the war in Ukraine is causing many people fears and worries. We spoke with psychologist Elisabeth Raffauf. She gives tips that can help parents deal with fears and worries.
1. take fears and worries seriously
Take your own fears seriously, but also the fears of your child. Babies and young children in particular are often unable to express their feelings directly. And they cannot categorize moods. But they do notice when the older ones are worried and afraid. They adopt the feeling or relate it to themselves. This is reflected, for example, in the fact that they want to be held more often than usual. Or that they don’t want to be with other caregivers than mom or dad.
Does your child notice your worries and fears? Then you should not pretend that nothing is wrong. This can make the child feel even more insecure. It then does not know whether it cannot trust you or its own feelings. Try to explain to your child that you are currently worried. And also convey that the child does not have to worry about you. For example, say that you are worrying with another adult. For example, with your partner, grandparents, or friends.
2. if possible, do not watch or listen to messages with young children.
If possible, do not listen to or watch the news with young children. As much as possible, keep your child away from bad stories or pictures. He may not understand the news yet, but he hears it. And it perceives your reaction to it.
3. take breaks from the news
You always want to be in the loop – especially when family or your circle of friends are affected. Bad news can trigger feelings of powerlessness and be very draining. If possible, take deliberate breaks from the news.
4 Maintain structures and rituals
Permanent structures and fixed rituals give children (and parents, too) a sense of security. There is something to rely on. These can be everyday things: the playground visit, the bedtime story or regular meal times together.
5. Explain in an age-appropriate way and get active
It can help your child if you talk to them about the situation. This depends on the child’s age, development, and need. Ask if your child wants to talk about it and what he or she has heard so far. Sometimes children just need some information and then want to move on to something else.
To get out of the feeling of powerlessness a bit, you can think together about what you can do: Make a statement by drawing a picture. Or think about what you can possibly donate. And, of course, share your own thoughts with each other. A good help for older siblings offers child-friendly messages. But you should watch or listen to these together with your children. For example, the TV showslogo! on KiKA andNeuneinhalb on ARD. Or the children’s radio stationKiraka on WDR. On the websitehanisauland.de, the Federal Agency for Civic Education provides news for children. Children and parents can also find information on the children’s search engineblinde-kuh.de.
If you have questions or need someone to talk to: You can reach the “Nummer gegen Kummer” parents’ hotline at 0800 111 0 550. There is also the option of exchanging ideas in the bke parents’ counseling chats. All counseling services are free of charge and anonymous. (Source “National Center for Early Help”)